an update on to floorboard or not to floorboard

well i have done it. a decision has been made. i knew in my heart of hearts what i really wanted, and i listened to it. now i will act on it.

i want willy to change. he wants me to change. on and off, this has been going on for ten years. finally i have come to the realisation i cannot change, nor can he. we are what we are. and that's a wondrous thing. problem being we don't work as a couple. i love him so deeply as he loves me.

so the decision? i am moving out and i am moving on. literally, emotionally and physically.

i spoke to my good friend rn buffoon last week and asked her to tell me what to do. i knew what i wanted to do, but hearing her say it really helped. i gave her a few options, and she went with the option of me moving back to my roots. back to the to the town we both grew up in and where she still lives.

i decided tonight that i was going to run with it and move. i phoned her a couple of hours ago to ask if i could stay with her for a week or so. i will need that time to adjust. find somewhere to live and get a job. she was as wonderful as always, and told me of course i could stay with her and her family. miss buffoon said i could have the top bunk of her teenage sons room. apparently he is only there three nights per week. i hope he does not mind. i said i would be quite happy to sleep on her new chocolate coloured lounge. i told her i would pay rent and she wouldn't have a bar of it. instead i offered my culinary and cleaning skills. she seemed quite chuffed with that compromise.

i should let you all know now. i caught her at the pub, and she was in good spirits. she must have been there for an hour or so. after we spoke i sent her a text explaining if she changed her mind in the sobering hours of tomorrow morning i would not be upset because i know it's such a big favour. of course being the woman she is, she sent one back telling me i was an idiot, along those lines.

if you are reading this miss buffoon, it still applies. if you change your mind, or its going to cause any hassles PLEASE tell me. i won't be offended. you could never hurt me.

she has just bought herself a new 4wd so we are heading to the nudist beach. we are also going to her sisters to ride her horses. and best of all we will get drunk together, gossip, catch up on absolutely everything, and have lots of good old fashioned female bonding.

i can't wait. i wish i could leave tomorrow. i am so fucking excited! the thought of catching up with my long lost bestie. the possibilities my future now holds. my dreams and goals i have established in my mind. this is my time bitches! and i simply cannot wait.

i will however, miss willy. as i always do. this time is so different though. every other time i have left i always knew we would get back together. i always knew i would be with him till we grew into a pair of grey haired wrinkly prunes. not this time. i know this is the end. i know he is not my future wrinkled prune. i know we will always be in love and have a chunk of each other in our hearts. but that chunk is now of a love shared and grown out of. its also a chunk that is reserved for best friends.

i am happy. i am positive. i am excited. i am nervous. i am a six year old on christmas eve. i am a lucky thirty three year old single woman. my future is golden. my decision is made.

i can't wait for my future.