i have had an epiphany. they only come through adversity and bullshit that life throws your way. i was having a wank on the lounge and realised that i alone could make myself feel good. noone else just me. see, i have been trying to find happiness from partners for years, since i was 19. so through the wonders of intense orgasm i found my answer. me.
i realised i have been in a nightmare for years and now is my dreamtime. why would anyone in there right mind want to live a shit life? god knows i have invested some heavy duty disipline to achieve it.
to be a heroin addict and lose best friends and my first love. to repeat the unhealthy relationship patterns my mother invested so dearly.
maybe i'm a drama queen? lets face it what female doesn't love a bit of drama.
but i'm affraid i am over it!
looking at the person i thought i loved so dearly and was so good for me and realising he is so utterly wrong for me was a scary thing. i didn't like myself for putting up with this bullshit. i did not like him. i just want out of this fucked up situation.
but that bastard time has to tick a while before i can get on my feet and run to the hills.
i am stuck in a loveless relationship, in a small minded shitty country town. fuck, i hate the cuntry. its nice to visit but it holds no excitment no stimulation. just a bunch of 12 fingered inbred freaks that think their little town is the blueprint for success and community. that only rings true if you were born with those extra fingers to fuck yourself with!
i know i sound jaded, god knows i am. at least i can see that its my fault...noone elses.